JOKES, JOKES, AND MORE JOKES - HAVE SOME FUN.!!

The weary evangelist knocked on another door, fully expecting to have it slammed in his face. Sure enough, the older woman who answered, angrily demanded that he leave once she figured out why he was there and slammed the door.

The door, however, bounced back open, and the woman shouted, “Get your foot out of my door!”

“But ma’am…” the evangelist began, when the woman again slammed the door in his face. Once again it bounced back open.

“I said get your foot out of my door!” the woman yelled again. One more time she slammed the door. One more time it bounced open again.

“But ma’am…” the evangelist said again, only to be cut off.

“Don’t talk back to me!” the woman screamed in a rage. “I want you off my property!” She slammed the door a fourth time, only to see it bounce open a fourth time.

“Ma’am,” the evangelist yelled as he beat a hasty retreat down the sidewalk, “you’ll be able to close your door if you move your cat out of the way!”

A farmer took his truck to a repair shop because it kept hesitating and stopping. The shop thought it might be a problem in the transmission, so he had to leave it for a while. He told them to just go ahead, he would walk home because he wanted to pick up a couple of things and his farm was close by. 

The farmer stopped by the hardware store and picked up a large bucket and a gallon of paint. Heading home, he went by the feed store and dropped in to see what was on sale, leaving his bucket and paint sitting on a rack by the door.  As he left the feed store with two small chickens and a goose, he realized he would have a problem carrying everything. As he was standing by the rack contemplating the problem, an older woman approached him.

She asked, "Excuse me sir. Could you tell me where 1603 Mockingbird Lane is located.? I'm sort of new around here.;"  The farmer said, "As it happens, I know that house very well. It's right next door to my farm. I would be happy to show you, but I have to figure out how to get this stuff home." The mature woman looked at his small pile and said, "Why don't you put the paint inside the bucket and hold it in one hand, tuck a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand."  The farmer grinned and smiled and said  "Thank you!! I think that will work." So, after arranging his purchases he started home, guiding the older woman to her destination. 

Approaching an alley, the farmer said "We'll just cut through here. It takes us out on the road home and will save us some time and some steps." The woman paused then said, " Pardon me sir, but I'm a poor, lonely woman without a husband to protect me." "How do I know you won't take advantage of me.??" The farmer, now a little irked, said "Lady, I'm carrying two chickens, a goose, a large bucket and a gallon of paint.!!" "Just how could I do something like that.??"

Thinking quickly, the mature woman said "Well, put the goose down and cover him with the bucket, put the paint can on top, and I will hold the chickens.!!

Hobs....where in the heck did you get that one???    lol

Dirty mature lady!

This blonde has a flat tire and calls her dad to come change it for her. "Call your HUSBAND", exclaimed the father, "That's HIS job". The blonde cries back, "But he's at work right now". The father asks, "Well, don't you have a spare?" The daughter replies, "Yes sir, but HE'S at work, too!"

This blonde has a flat tire and calls her dad to come change it for her.  "Call your HUSBAND", exclaimed the father, "That's HIS job".  The blonde cries back, "But he's at work right now".  The father asks, "Well, don't you have a spare?"  The daughter replies, "Yes sir, but HE'S at work, too!"

 THAT'S funny.!!

Two football players from Ole Miss were hiking and fell into a deep hole.  One of them exclaimed, "Daggum, it shore is dark in here!"   The other replied, "How can you tell?  I can't see a thang" 

It was Spring Training for the Auburn Tigers when two defensive backs were chit-chatting on the sidelines.  One of them proudly bragged to the other, "Hey man, I'm stepping up in the world.  This weekend I finished puttin' together one of them thar jigsaw puzzles, and it only took me seven months"

"Seven months?" repeated the other, "Is that good?"

"Hell yeah it's good, cuz", the first one retorted, "the box said it was from 2 to 4 years"

A Senior Offensive Lineman named O'Toole from the West Virginia showed up for practice with five penguins in tow behind him.

The head ball coach saw him and asked, "What are you doing with penguins at football practice?"

O'Toole scratched his head and replied, "Well, see, I've been trying to figure out what to do with them".

"Here's an idea", suggested the head coach, "why don't you take them to the zoo?"

"Why in tarnation didn't I think of that?" replied the O-Lineman. Off he and the penguins went.

The next afternoon, O'Toole shows up again with the five penguins following him.

The head coach explodes; "Didn't I tell you to take them to the ZOO????"

O'Toole grinned and nodded his head, "Oh yes, sir, and they had a great time. Today we're going to see a movie"

U guys are funny!