JOKES, JOKES, AND MORE JOKES - HAVE SOME FUN.!!

A precocious little eight year old girl and her mom were on a flight going to see her family. The mom and daughter were seated in the same row but on opposite sides of the center aisle. A well-dressed man was seated next to the little girl. He asked if she wanted to have a conversation because it would make the flight go faster and might prove interesting. The little girl who had just started reading a book said, "Oh, i don't know.  What would you like to talk about.?" The man thought for a second then said, "How about why there is no God, no Heaven, no Hell and no life after death.??"  The little girl said, "Well, that might be interesting, but let me ask you a couple of questions first." The man, surprised at her apparent intelligence, said, "Okay, go ahead ask your questions."

The little girl thought for just a second then said, "You know that a rabbit and a horse and a cow all eat grass mostly, but the rabbit poops little round pellets, the horse poops big clumps, and the cow poops big, wet, flat patties. Why do you suppose that is.??" The man, now thoroughly amazed, thought for a minute then said, "I never thought about it, but truthfully, I don't really know why that happens." The little girl turned her head, looked at the man and said, "So... do you really think it's a good idea to talk about God and Heaven and the afterlife when you don't know shit.??"

A precocious little eight year old girl and her mom were on a flight going to see her family. The mom and daughter were seated in the same row but on opposite sides of the center aisle. A well-dressed man was seated next to the little girl. He asked if she wanted to have a conversation because it would make the flight go faster and might prove interesting. The little girl who had just started reading a book said, "Oh, i don't know.  What would you like to talk about.?" The man thought for a second then said, "How about why there is no God, no Heaven, no Hell and no life after death.??"  The little girl said, "Well, that might be interesting, but let me ask you a couple of questions first." The man, surprised at her apparent intelligence, said, "Okay, go ahead ask your questions."

The little girl thought for just a second then said, "You know that a rabbit and a horse and a cow all eat grass mostly, but the rabbit poops little round pellets, the horse poops big clumps, and the cow poops big, wet, flat patties. Why do you suppose that is.??" The man, now thoroughly amazed, thought for a minute then said, "I never thought about it, but truthfully, I don't really know why that happens." The little girl turned her head, looked at the man and said, "So... do you really think it's a good idea to talk about God and Heaven and the afterlife when you don't know shit.??"

A very successful rancher out west died suddenly and left his entire wealth and holdings to his wife. She was a little bit younger and quite good looking. She had been along side her husband for years so she decided to keep the ranch and make a go of it. After thinking about it for a week or so, she decided to hire a foreman to help run things. She put word out around the area and shortly thereafter had two guys apply for the job. One was a gay man who was "out" and the other was a known for drinking heavy on occasion and carousing around.

She thought about it and decided to hire the gay man as she thought he might cause her less trouble and she might not have to fend off unwanted advances. As weeks slipped by, the ranch was doing very well. Femces were in good repair. Stock was healthy. Prices were up and income was as good as it had ever been. She pulled her foreman aside and congratulated him, thanking him for his dedication and hard work. She then suggested that he take a couple of days off and relax. He thought that it would be nice to have a break so he agreed to her proposal and decided to go into town that evening. So after cleaning up and getting dressed for town, he left.

Early in the morning of the second day, around 3:00 AM, he showed up back at the ranch where he found the ranch owner sitting on the couch waiting for him. She spoke to him calmly when she said, "I hope you had a good time. Now, come over here and take off my boots." He did so, and stood there. "Now, take off my blouse." Which he did. "Now take off my skirt" she said. He took it off carefully. She then said, "Take off my bra." He complied and stood there nervously. She looked up at him and with great restraint said, "NOW... If you ever wear my clothes again, you're fired..!!!"
  

An older man and a younger man were pushing their shopping carts around a grocery store. Arriving in the same space at the same time, there was a small crash. The older guy, quick to respond, apologized and said "I'm sorry. I was looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying much attention to where I was going." The young man replied, "Oh, that's alright. I was looking for my wife as well."

The older man then said "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like.?" The younger man replied, "Well, she is 24, and fairly tall. She has blonde hair and blue eyes. Athletic build. She's wearing tight white shorts and a red halter top with no bra. -- What does your wife look like.?"

The older guy said, "Uh, it doesn't matter. Let's look for yours.!!"

A farmer was sitting on his porch, relaxing, when a young man, driving by out front, stopped and approached the farmer. The young man said to the farmer,  "Excuse me sir, I noticed you have a lot of milkweed growing out there in your fields. Would you mind if I went out and got myself some milk.??" The farmer replied, "Son, you don't get milk from milkweed...!!" The young man then explained how he had a degree from Texas A&T and he knew all about it. The farmer decided to let him learn the hard way, so he said "Well, OK, just be careful out there."  A short time later the young man came back by the porch with two buckets of milk. He thanked the farmer and went on his way.

The next day that same young man stopped back by and asked the farmer, "Sir, I noticed you have a lot of Honeysuckle growing along your fence line. Would you mind if I went out there and got a little honey.??" The farmer, now just a little confused, said, "Son, you can't get honey from Honeysuckle. Everyone knows that."  The young man then explained again about his college degree. The farmer, shaking his head, said, "You know, nevermind. Just go ahead and help yourself." As the young man walked out to the pasture, the farmer shook his head and smiled.... An hour or so later the young man stopped back by and said, "Whew, it's getting warm out there." He held up a smallish pail full of honey, then thanked the farmer and went on his way.

The very next day that same young man stopped by again. This time the farmer thought he was ready. The young man said to the farmer, "Good morning, again."  "Yesterday, I noticed you had a several large Pussy-Willows growing out back."  "Would you mind if...."  The farmer held up his hand and said "Stop right there. Let me get my hat. I'm going with you..."

An 86 Y.O. man visited his doctor for a checkup. The doctor asked him how he felt and if he had anything wrong to talk about.

The old man thought for a second then said, "I feel really good. As good as I have ever felt really. Nothing 'bad' to talk about either."  "In fact", he continued, "I just got married to my 22 Y.O. bride and she is now carrying my child. What do you think about that.??"

The doctor hesitated then remarked, "That's amazing. But let me tell you a quick story." The old man nodded, so the doctor continued. "I know another patient who is in his nineties. He is an avid outdoorsman and hunter. The other day he went out into the marsh to look for game. A few minutes later he stumbled upon a HUGE beaver that would bring a great price for it's pelt. He raised his shotgun and then discovered he was holding his walking stick. Feeling foolish, he raised the stick, pointed it at the beaver and then quietly said "bang ... bang." And then much to his surprise, the beaver fell over ... DEAD."

"So"... the doctor asked, "What do you think about that.??"

The old man said, "Well, obviously some other guy pumped a couple of shots into that beaver."

"OK. Good," said the doctor. "So you understand the situation. !!"