JOKES, JOKES, AND MORE JOKES - HAVE SOME FUN.!!

A 17 year old young man in England met a cute girl who was 16. They 'liked' each other so their friendship progressed along quickly. On this particular day, the girl invited him to her house for dinner. She asked him if had any condoms. He said no. She said well, head on down to a pharmacy before you come over and pick up some. Then when my parents go to bed, we'll have a go.! The boy thought that was a great idea so later that day he found a pharmacy close to his house and went in. He asked the pharmacist for condoms. The pharmacist asked him if he knew anything about condoms, like strength, size, texture, and even color. The young man admitted he knew nothing about condoms. The pharmacist told him to wait at the end of the counter and he would come down and explain things for him. After a good long conversation the pharmacist asked him if he wanted a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or the special deal on the family size pack. The young man immediately spoke up and said he'd better take the 'family size' because he planned on doing a lot of shagging.

So, later that evening when he went to his girl's house for dinner, he was invited in and when they sat down to eat he was asked to say the blessing. He came out with a nice blessing, and then continued to pray. As the minutes went by everyone was getting a little antsy. He finally wound up the prayer and dinner went along sort of smoothly. When the meal was finished and the table cleared, the girl grabbed his hand and hauled him into the living room. She spoke to him and said she hadn't realized that he was so devout and spiritual. He was sort of panicking when he turned to her and said "I didn't realize that your father was a pharmacist.!!
 

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An older man was sitting on a park bench sobbing and sniffling. A young man in his twenties saw him there and sat down for a minute. He spoke to the old man and asked what was wrong.  The old guy hung his head and started to explain. "You'll never understand" he said. "Just tell me" the young guy said. "Well", the man said, "My wife is at home waiting for me. She is very young and beautiful. Every day we make love before she goes off to work. Then she comes home at lunch time and we make love again before she makes a nice meal for us. Sometimes in the afternoon, she manages to come home to say 'Hi" and we end up in bed again. Then she gets home in the evening and we have supper before going to bed where we make love off and on all night." The old guy breaks down and starts crying harder. The young guy says: " I don't understand. It sounds wonderful. I think you must have the perfect marriage.!! So, what's wrong? Why are you so upset.?" The old guy shakes his head and through gasping sobs and tears says, --- "I can't remember where I live.!!"

A woman wakes up really early and discovers her husband is not in bed. She grabs a robe and goes out into the house. She finds him sitting at the table in the kitchen with a cup of cocoa, moping and sniffling.. The woman sits alongside him and then starts a conversation.

"Honey" she says. "Why are you down here.? Can't you sleep?"
Her husband looks at her and responds. "Just thinking. Do you realize it's been 20 years, today, that we've been together?" "Do you remember our first date?" "I was 18 and you were 16."
She answers him quietly. "Yes, I know, and I DO remember it."
He asks, "Do you remember the time your dad caught us in the back seat of my car.?? He threatened me with a shotgun.! "He said -- Either you marry my daughter or I swear, I'll see you thrown in prison for the next 20 years."
His wife nodded and smiled. "Yes, honey, I remember. That was quite the occasion.!!"
He nodded and a tear started down his face... "I would have gotten out today.!" 

A man went tinto a bar. He sees a friend sitting at the bar looking really sad. He joins him, orders a drink, and asks him,  "You're pretty quiet. What's wong. Why so sad."
The friend said .... "Oh, I don't know.... Four months ago my mom died and left me $90,000. Then three months ago my dad died and left me $25,000."
The man said, "Gosh, that's tough alright."
"Yeah", the friend said then a couple of months ago my aunt died and left me $15,000."
"Oh wow", the man said. "That's three family members all close together. That explains why you're so down."
"Yeah", the friend said. "Then last month --- absolutely nothing.!!"

Where do you find this stuff???

Where do you find this stuff???

Hey girl...
I keep a thread started with a series of replies. I start it and then save it as a "Draft" - It's one of the options you can use at the bottom of the "reply" page or the "thread'' page instead of posting the reply. It saves to your "User Control Panel". I keep a backlog of different posts available for different threads.....such as  "word of the day", "jokes', "historical facts", "english usage", etc, etc...  When I find something, I "edit" the draft, add the new thing, then save it back again as a draft. That way it's always available when I want it. --- PLUS... If you save as a "draft" every paragraph or so, you don't lose everything when your computer 'burps' or the Internet goes "down", as mine does occasionally. I can't count the number of posts, emails, etc., that I've 'lost' due to RUD... That's modern verbiage for Rapid Unscheduled Disassembly.

As far as 'where' they come from --- It varies...A LOT. A lot of the gen info stuff comes from books I read. I try to include a proper note that indicates where I found it. (Not a proper citation, of course--mainly because it's already 'out there' in the ether.
As far as the jokes go.... Most of them are just out there 'floating around'. I usually happen across them during a Google search for something. These latest ones came from a search on NFL Rules and the CBA. The search returned a lot of data, including a Reddit and sub-reddit listing with a bunch of key words. One of those words was "joke", so I looked at it. It was worthless as far as my initial query was concerned, but there were a couple of jokes there that I had to 'clean up' a little bit - then I saved them to my "Draft" post. I just recently posted them after modifying slightly for cleaner language and better usage. Thats where 'most' of them come from. Online queries lead me somewhere and a joke pops up along the way. If it seems good and "appropriate", I save it.

I treat "quotes" and "words" and "English usage' stuff like anecdotes, idioms, adages, the same way. But frankly, a very large portion of that type of material comes from my reading. I do most of my reading on a Kindle. Amazon has a decent system in place that advises if I have already purchased a specific book when I'm looking at it. I know that may seem silly or redundant, but when you're dealing with thousands (literally) of books, it's impossible to remember all of them. Anyway as part of that system, Amazon allows you to digitally annotate each book as you read by 'highlighting' passages, words, quotes, etc. Then later those annotated passages are available to you on your Amazon account, listed chronologically with the latest book at the top...So, I have a ready supply of "strange and unusual" words as well as a significant number of quotes, and historical tidbits.

I think I mentioned this previously (maybe before you joined us..??), but I also keep a lot of older, possibly 'dated' material in spiral bound notebooks. I have a double-handful of these notebooks somewhere around here that date back over thirty years - actually quite a bit farther back than that. They're full of English sayings and adages and other anecdotal information from various schools and employment over the years. I don't use them too much these days because it's easier to look up something than to search for the 'correct' notebook. Between what I find online and travels to University libraries when I need assistance, I can 'usually' find what I need - or some semblance of it anyway...

SIDE NOTE: I've saved this post as a draft three times before posting it. If I were to have lost it, I would still have most of it in draft form, so I could redo the last part of it and continue on.  AND... You're welcome to tell me that I'm too wordy. I realize that. But you're welcome to tell me anyway. I'm wearing my flame-retardant pants today..!

I read everything u guys post, just don’t respond much in the offseason.  Hilarious n insightful things from both u guys.  

Funny stuff hobb.  Ure wordy, but I enjoy!

Lp, u give great info.

Thanks for both of u.